days..after so long..

it's been since november 16th..haha now its like january the 21th..i'm here at almost 4 o clock in the morning blogging this..haha whats been up? well a lot of things happen and i dont know where to start..i just want to start off by blogging this hahah and slowly blog..cause im tired now and i need to rest so..i'll blog later..

days..its either im dumb..or ur preposterously dumb

which means we are all dumb in some extent..but the level of dumbitivity (my word) is all depends on how dumb we do things..haha get it?

anyway life is full of shit..especially now this few years its not even close for us to think the bed is full of roses..the only time where life is full of roses is whe ur a baby? agree? everybody would be like so in love with u..give whatever compliments...when urfat they say u are such a cutie...if you cry they will give u food..if u cry again..they will change ur diaper...if u cry somemore..they will give u a shower..now agree?

when comes to adolescence..u feel left out..u get to reach out to the environment,society and everything there is to learn about life..and that is when life is full of shits...cause it hurts u...it challenges u...no one will feed u..bath u..change ur clothes...its time for us people to think about ourselves..be mature..agree?

im a kind of guy who doesnt like to stay at one place for a very long time..i'll find something to do...no matter what..but when it comes to doing that something...i make mistakes..i know everybody does it too...and im they bad guy because i dont like to accept advises and people telling u what are ur mistakes is...well it frustrates me...and i'l get angry..well im learning to accept now..hahah

today i went for driving test..it was not the JPJ thingy..but it was a simple test..i kind of screw it up really really bad..i didnt check stuff..i didnt even raise my hands for the parking and stuff like that..it was all because everything was happening so fast and the examiner made it look like it was really casual..and he questioned me..i panicked..and he start to ask a lot of question like the clutch..and im stunned and it was really difficult..cause he is telling me my mistakes and telling me what it is..and im just confused because it was not the same car as the car i used to drive in the driving course there..its harder..and its different and its all complicated..i was really confused..i nearly gave up in the middle of the road..and started to think that driving is stressfull and its not fun at all..and i dont want to drive anymore because its not right for me..i dont click with driving..

and well its all because of the damn car..and its manual..and its all new..and its in a very short of time to understand the car..so yeahh cant blame it all on me..and they way it was meant to drive it was all confused..do we have to step the accelerator to start the car? do we not have to step the clutch when ur decelerating to avoid the car to kick and engine to stop? i mean what it is? i dont understand..i have to ask my teacher this coming saturday..

anyway..SPM is near..i managed to a full paper of biology and chemistry as well as maths..noted on what to study..but havent to it yet...cause its till a months away for the science subject..i'll just do more exercises to identify.. like what is the chapter im really weak at...i mean do the maths..hahha maybe i'll do another full paper for those 3 subjects again..then i'll study the chapters...one full paper doesnt mean anything..well i still got time...and i have to do add maths and physics and those language subjects are still pending hahaha well i got my plan..but i need at least 5 hours a day to finish it all..plus i have to sleep early and wake up early to be prepared my mentallity for SPM..

i hate people who smoke..i REALLY HATE AND HATE AND HATE people who smokes..i might one day be a speaker and just call the government to ban this cigarettes..oh my god..why people smoke? damn..its just really really annoying and its really unhealthy and its really bad..i freaking hate it..i dont know why..makes me sick

sorry mum and dad..well i was suppose to get up this morning and check on the car..i even dare to go back to sleep..whats wrong with me..anyway i just want u all to know that i'll change and yeahh i wont sleep late again..well pray that my dad can handle all the lost things...haih..its really a pity when u just lost all ur important things in blink of an eye..phones cards and everything..haih..i hope those people who is responsible just have the courtesy of just leaving all the things and just take the money rather than make people suffer and have to do more work..haih..why not just take the money and thats it..i mean if u steal a phone..and u sell it second hand what price would u get? its just over a 100..whereas if those people who lost it..they have to pay another few hundred bucks to buy a new phone..and this and that..i mean if the money is in the wallet just take it..leave all the cards behind...i mean if ur stealing cards...dont still cards that u cant even use like bank cards..where u have to register ur names and stuff like that..u cant steal unless the person is there...so why not just steal cash..it makes it easier for everyone..u want to rob the car its find..find a better way to rob can? dont smash car windows..it still cost us..why not use a safer way...u see those movies they can just unlock the car by u know by putting a metal to unlock the car..haih..why cant robbers be more smarter?..are they just so dumb until they cant use their brains?..

anyway..i've been stress about the drums in church..i dont know how to communicate the music with the other musicians..maybe its because we dont practice together often..we cant find the common sense..i seriously we will do it right before watchnight..haih...i hope they wont change anything..like songs and things..well i hope we can just enjoy and not make this all a big fuzz..

AHHH...im getting fatter and fatter each day as it comes...i need to work out..i want to have those fit athletically body which i soon to work out on..hahah its a must....well what can u do to release the stress for SPM? exercise..hahahha anyway ive been playing the piano..since i've passed the Grade 6 exam..i might as w ell learn some songs before christmas..i want to learn it up so i can play it like all the painist that can just play songs..i dont want to be a guy who just plays exam pieces..i want to expand my variety hahhaa anyway Grade 7..i'll do it in australia i guess..because im leaving soon and i'm saddened because i have to leave so many close people to a place where i dont even know anybody that much as i know them in Ipoh..who in australia can be as good as my piano teacher..who in australia can be as fun as my friends? who in australia can be as much as home?..well i guess i have to appreciate every moment of it after SPM..i cant wait..well lets work hard for the last month of our entire secondary studies..until the day we go for college...light up the darkness..

days..been a dick.

well its wednesday and im not going to school because loongsheng invited me to play badminton with him and i accepted it..it was really not what i want but going to school also got nothing to do might as well just play some good badminton and release some stress..haha i found out that i cant do much in school..just playing and chatting and just wasting my time with friends..haha that craziness..you just cant find anywhere..haha anyway yeahh life's been a dick seriously..and thinking back and just by looking at the past..i was such a dick..hahah i never thought i was such a dick until i realised..anyway i just want to say sorry for the people that i hurt them so deep and so hard...well im truly am sorry..im changing day by day...wishing to be better..but no matter what i was a dick...im still a dick..but im trying to change not to be a dick =) hahah well schools been fun and well boring..nothing much these days..getting myself ready for spm and comparing laptops hahaha now what i want is a laptop and a smartphone..and a drums set and a keyboard and some money to buy some ps3 games =) hahahhaa if i can save that kind of money to buy all that...it will take 4 years =( well its just a dream..

found out that jia xiong is going to the same college same university same course and same degree..hahahaha im just so freaking glad that there is someone who is similar to mine..just that he is going to the february intake and im going for the july intake...deciding whether to follow him or not..that will be great hahah trinity college and university of melbourne..how great it is..anyway life's been like that and it will be like that till spm ends..haha hope it will end soon...theres so many plans..can't wait for it..

piano exams in 2 weeks time...driving test is in 3 weeks time...spm is in 4 weeks time..damn...2 dicky months to go through...laptop that im going to save money and buy is Dell XPS 15. hahah its really nice.. phone well will wait for Iphone 4G..hahah plans after plans...counting chickens before it hatches...study first lah...hahah spm =) light up the darkness..

imagine.

imagine life is being fair
imagine life is simple
imagine time is slow
imagine the world is in peace
imagine theres always love..
imagine you and I
we can be happy and just loving at all times


understanding between the two of us
problems settled even the hardest one
imagine religion is not a problem
imagine when rationality play its part
imagine when stress are controlled
imagine theres a bridge over troubled water
imagine our minds are calm and relaxed
trying to go to a place where it feels like home


appreciating time as it goes
imagine hard work pays off
imagine there's always a piano playing your song
imagine confidence and righteousness
imagine life as the drums rhythm
imagine your the best
imagine God that loves you
imagine that all prayers are heard
imagine sins are forgiven


to win over misunderstanding
to win over chances and luck
to be in a state of winning everything
to be the one in everything
to imagine winning the war from many battles.
to take things as easy as possible
imagine hard times being at ease
imagine everything that is good in this world
imagine, imagine, just imagine.

days..bridge over troubled water

well its been a month since i've blog..well its long..haih..im sorry blog for not blogging..i've been away from this..and i've been with the wind..and i should come back more often..to really let it all out..well..i dont know why? i dont know how? but i feel really down these days...and no one is there to help..even the closest friend i got also dont want to care..maybe its because its the same problem?..i think its because my problem is just too personal..and i wont be able to share it with other people..i dont know..but all i know is that i feel very very down and i've been very very busy..not only that..i also dont have the mood to do anything..just by the computer everyday searching for something to do..or to just waste my time..blog, i know i shouldnt be doing that..i should be studying..just off the phone..just off the friggin computer and just study and let everything come to a halt and just do my thing until spm ends...but blog, my computer..i feel very connected to it..its not funny..but i think to say it in general..i'm more closer to my computers than my mum and dad..my parents are not at home..i have no place to go to..i cant drive...if i can..i'll be sure to drive to any beach or to any place to really be in peace and to just clear my mind..i'll be there in the morning..and just walk along the shores for as long as i can till sunsets..i havent really admire the sunsets in Malaysia...i should just try that..how i wish i can just get the hell out of my really troubled life..hahaha

well blog.. its not that i want to keep secrets from u..this was suppose to be a private blog..anyway...i have no comment whatsoever to anything right now...but as i am writing this blog..i'm thinking of just fully concentrating on my piano..my studies thats all..and no i dont wanna be so stress about my drums..its killing me.
about piano..yes fully 100%..i want to be as good as i dont know yiruma? hahah if thats possible..well why cant i? hahhaa i just have to stop comparing myself to other people...because if i do..i feel like im the worst piano player ever...cause they can seriously play and i cannot..maybe its because they pay full attention to their piano and they worked hard..unlike me..i try everything..and not great at it...and this is not what i want..i want to be great at something..and piano should be career next time...haha talking about career yes...double degree...one of it is music..i've decided..currently im in grade 6...if i can get through this exam by next month...wow..grade 7 baby..hahaha i can play my most favourite song by the moment 'bridge over troubled waters'..i'm really looking forward to grade 7..haha how grade is it if my piano teacher can teach me till i get into university...you know what...what i said last time about who is better drum teacher or piano teacher..i think i feel more connected to my piano teacher...well both are really good teacher..but based on the effort from the teacher..yes definately piano..hahah thank you uncle peter..for giving me those really motivating compliments..i dont hear that often from people..even those closest to me...

about studies...i've decided to go melbourne to further my studies there...and now what im feeling..is that i cant wait to go there...meet new friends there...before this i was really in a dilemma..choosing between taylors college in kl or trinity college in melbourne...well my dai sou recommend me to australia..and what she say is also true about her first encounters when she first when to college...and i think i get through life there...who knows maybe a better one..as i know..australians are really very kind..i think now its going to be a month till spm..so im gonna work hard starting today..19th..so yeahh just play my playlist from my computer..get way from it..take my biology book for this week and start studying...until next week onto physics..haha i think can..im pretty sure i can..u know why blog?...2 days of just studying intensively..i can get 57...and its far better than last time which is 40...and if i can study for 8 days straight..imagine the A's that i can get for physics bio chemistry english est morale malay add math and math...9 A's and dam a scholarship..well mum i told u that i'll try for a scholarship..haha i'll do that for u...

oh my god..i feel so motivated right now..i think i should keep this feeling up..it feels good..hahah so yeahh lets work hard..and light up the darkness..and get across that bridge over troubled waters..

days..i just need some faith.

well what can i say..trials result is really not satisfying and no its what i want..damn...and its just 2 months before spm...can i produce all the results that is satisfying and just creditable to go for college?..im going to australia..and i dont think so im going on february...im going national service before going to melbourne...well..lets hope or the best in spm and everything will just come true..more efforts of course...without effort there will be consequences...and no not this time im screwing this up...i'll be working my ass off starting tomorrow...

anyway..im still stucked with problems as always...it really do disturb me from concentrating on everything...im just filled with distractions and just a big annoying wall in front of me...i want to just express myself also cannot..some people are just not the right person to share it with...well its hard being me..when u've done so many mistakes and just sin all the things in the world..and its hard to forget and it just burden ur heart and mind everytime...and some of the problems just will replay itself everyday that i just wish to think something else but still its unbearable haih..

whose going with me to australia? is there anyone going to the same college as i am? at the same intake?whose gonna be my best friend? i seriously dont want to be alone..hahah but well..man has to be tough right?hahha i think i'll miss home until i cry...well i'll have 3 to 4 months of time to be ready and just u know prepare...not all the time fun..hahah i'll get almost all my results tomorrow...lets hope that i'll get those pleasant results...that will totally make my day..hahha light up the darkness..

days..its been so long..but im back.

it has been a rocky year..and i would want to emphasis on that..well trials been quite tough? well nows the holidays..didnt really plan..just see how it goes...haha only did watch movies...and thats what i am going to do untill the end of the holidays..haha well only went out once..and thats it...basically thats my holidays...well now is the time until spm ends that that will truly be the end of it..the end for school..and there's nothing more...to say the truth...i missed school..and i cant wait to go back to school...thinking back...well u've been schooling for almost 11 years? and all those friends that u've made and those fun and tradition that only can happen in that one particular school and only in that one particular group of friends...yeahh my childhood is pretty fun actually..until im exposed to realiti yeah...there was not as much fun as there was as i came up to secondary...lost touch with friends...taking up more responsibilities and stuff like that..haha well just thinking back..i think its school that made the guy that i am today..if it wasnt for school...i wont get to meet these great friends hahah..so i just cant imagine what it will be after spm and there wont be school until the day u die..i guess i try to do the things that i will remember in school..haha dont want to tell or plan..just see how it goes..

well its been so long since i've blogged..haha july 16...well..there was a lot of things to blog about...but its better to be kept..well to just know what it is and just sendiri bikin le..hahhaha haih..it has been a rocky year seriously...i've never been into such as big deep shit before...and i've never been into such a wonderfull day before..all i hope for is the better and i wish it come true in prayers..haha i guess i never want to stop writing...blogging is good haha talking about trials.well everyday sleeping at 2 or 3..trying to study as much as possible..doing exercises on past year papers..well to tell the truth..doing past year papers really do help in scoring in exam..no doubt..so im advising everybody to just do past year papers and understand by which chapters and just study based on the questions that u dont know...seriously this helps...and we should do this till the end of spm...yeahh...well i hope i will do well in my trials..

i've been struggling and just suffering for these few days..and i well its really complicated and just frustrating to not know how to solve the problems...in relationship and also in life...on the 11th..this will be the first time i've performed drums for a crowd...and i was eally glad that have this chance with a group of people to jam and play some really interesting songs..haha well i really want to thank you aunty keelay for the help...and also joel for his support..and many more...i think it really went well..just that i maybe playing too hard..well im sorry if its too loud..haha well thats just that for me that happened for this time..anyway..i cant wait for john legend's new album...i think it will rock the hell up hahha when i listen to it in youtube...it's the best..other than that..i want to buy the playstation move...haha i cant wait to buy the michael jackson game....and as well as some other games too...like racing cars and vanquish..hahah curently playing mafia and god of war...will finish these few games till the next game comes..hahah

there's nothing much actually...thats all ive gotta say..and ill write more in the next few blogs..hahah light up the darkness..and i hope there's somebody that can take their time to watch lord of the rings with me...all 3 films in one day...erm...i wish the problems will be solved and all of us can live a happy life=)