days..been a dick.

well its wednesday and im not going to school because loongsheng invited me to play badminton with him and i accepted it..it was really not what i want but going to school also got nothing to do might as well just play some good badminton and release some stress..haha i found out that i cant do much in school..just playing and chatting and just wasting my time with friends..haha that craziness..you just cant find anywhere..haha anyway yeahh life's been a dick seriously..and thinking back and just by looking at the past..i was such a dick..hahah i never thought i was such a dick until i realised..anyway i just want to say sorry for the people that i hurt them so deep and so hard...well im truly am sorry..im changing day by day...wishing to be better..but no matter what i was a dick...im still a dick..but im trying to change not to be a dick =) hahah well schools been fun and well boring..nothing much these days..getting myself ready for spm and comparing laptops hahaha now what i want is a laptop and a smartphone..and a drums set and a keyboard and some money to buy some ps3 games =) hahahhaa if i can save that kind of money to buy all that...it will take 4 years =( well its just a dream..

found out that jia xiong is going to the same college same university same course and same degree..hahahaha im just so freaking glad that there is someone who is similar to mine..just that he is going to the february intake and im going for the july intake...deciding whether to follow him or not..that will be great hahah trinity college and university of melbourne..how great it is..anyway life's been like that and it will be like that till spm ends..haha hope it will end soon...theres so many plans..can't wait for it..

piano exams in 2 weeks time...driving test is in 3 weeks time...spm is in 4 weeks time..damn...2 dicky months to go through...laptop that im going to save money and buy is Dell XPS 15. hahah its really nice.. phone well will wait for Iphone 4G..hahah plans after plans...counting chickens before it hatches...study first lah...hahah spm =) light up the darkness..

imagine.

imagine life is being fair
imagine life is simple
imagine time is slow
imagine the world is in peace
imagine theres always love..
imagine you and I
we can be happy and just loving at all times


understanding between the two of us
problems settled even the hardest one
imagine religion is not a problem
imagine when rationality play its part
imagine when stress are controlled
imagine theres a bridge over troubled water
imagine our minds are calm and relaxed
trying to go to a place where it feels like home


appreciating time as it goes
imagine hard work pays off
imagine there's always a piano playing your song
imagine confidence and righteousness
imagine life as the drums rhythm
imagine your the best
imagine God that loves you
imagine that all prayers are heard
imagine sins are forgiven


to win over misunderstanding
to win over chances and luck
to be in a state of winning everything
to be the one in everything
to imagine winning the war from many battles.
to take things as easy as possible
imagine hard times being at ease
imagine everything that is good in this world
imagine, imagine, just imagine.

days..bridge over troubled water

well its been a month since i've blog..well its long..haih..im sorry blog for not blogging..i've been away from this..and i've been with the wind..and i should come back more often..to really let it all out..well..i dont know why? i dont know how? but i feel really down these days...and no one is there to help..even the closest friend i got also dont want to care..maybe its because its the same problem?..i think its because my problem is just too personal..and i wont be able to share it with other people..i dont know..but all i know is that i feel very very down and i've been very very busy..not only that..i also dont have the mood to do anything..just by the computer everyday searching for something to do..or to just waste my time..blog, i know i shouldnt be doing that..i should be studying..just off the phone..just off the friggin computer and just study and let everything come to a halt and just do my thing until spm ends...but blog, my computer..i feel very connected to it..its not funny..but i think to say it in general..i'm more closer to my computers than my mum and dad..my parents are not at home..i have no place to go to..i cant drive...if i can..i'll be sure to drive to any beach or to any place to really be in peace and to just clear my mind..i'll be there in the morning..and just walk along the shores for as long as i can till sunsets..i havent really admire the sunsets in Malaysia...i should just try that..how i wish i can just get the hell out of my really troubled life..hahaha

well blog.. its not that i want to keep secrets from u..this was suppose to be a private blog..anyway...i have no comment whatsoever to anything right now...but as i am writing this blog..i'm thinking of just fully concentrating on my piano..my studies thats all..and no i dont wanna be so stress about my drums..its killing me.
about piano..yes fully 100%..i want to be as good as i dont know yiruma? hahah if thats possible..well why cant i? hahhaa i just have to stop comparing myself to other people...because if i do..i feel like im the worst piano player ever...cause they can seriously play and i cannot..maybe its because they pay full attention to their piano and they worked hard..unlike me..i try everything..and not great at it...and this is not what i want..i want to be great at something..and piano should be career next time...haha talking about career yes...double degree...one of it is music..i've decided..currently im in grade 6...if i can get through this exam by next month...wow..grade 7 baby..hahaha i can play my most favourite song by the moment 'bridge over troubled waters'..i'm really looking forward to grade 7..haha how grade is it if my piano teacher can teach me till i get into university...you know what...what i said last time about who is better drum teacher or piano teacher..i think i feel more connected to my piano teacher...well both are really good teacher..but based on the effort from the teacher..yes definately piano..hahah thank you uncle peter..for giving me those really motivating compliments..i dont hear that often from people..even those closest to me...

about studies...i've decided to go melbourne to further my studies there...and now what im feeling..is that i cant wait to go there...meet new friends there...before this i was really in a dilemma..choosing between taylors college in kl or trinity college in melbourne...well my dai sou recommend me to australia..and what she say is also true about her first encounters when she first when to college...and i think i get through life there...who knows maybe a better one..as i know..australians are really very kind..i think now its going to be a month till spm..so im gonna work hard starting today..19th..so yeahh just play my playlist from my computer..get way from it..take my biology book for this week and start studying...until next week onto physics..haha i think can..im pretty sure i can..u know why blog?...2 days of just studying intensively..i can get 57...and its far better than last time which is 40...and if i can study for 8 days straight..imagine the A's that i can get for physics bio chemistry english est morale malay add math and math...9 A's and dam a scholarship..well mum i told u that i'll try for a scholarship..haha i'll do that for u...

oh my god..i feel so motivated right now..i think i should keep this feeling up..it feels good..hahah so yeahh lets work hard..and light up the darkness..and get across that bridge over troubled waters..

days..i just need some faith.

well what can i say..trials result is really not satisfying and no its what i want..damn...and its just 2 months before spm...can i produce all the results that is satisfying and just creditable to go for college?..im going to australia..and i dont think so im going on february...im going national service before going to melbourne...well..lets hope or the best in spm and everything will just come true..more efforts of course...without effort there will be consequences...and no not this time im screwing this up...i'll be working my ass off starting tomorrow...

anyway..im still stucked with problems as always...it really do disturb me from concentrating on everything...im just filled with distractions and just a big annoying wall in front of me...i want to just express myself also cannot..some people are just not the right person to share it with...well its hard being me..when u've done so many mistakes and just sin all the things in the world..and its hard to forget and it just burden ur heart and mind everytime...and some of the problems just will replay itself everyday that i just wish to think something else but still its unbearable haih..

whose going with me to australia? is there anyone going to the same college as i am? at the same intake?whose gonna be my best friend? i seriously dont want to be alone..hahah but well..man has to be tough right?hahha i think i'll miss home until i cry...well i'll have 3 to 4 months of time to be ready and just u know prepare...not all the time fun..hahah i'll get almost all my results tomorrow...lets hope that i'll get those pleasant results...that will totally make my day..hahha light up the darkness..

days..its been so long..but im back.

it has been a rocky year..and i would want to emphasis on that..well trials been quite tough? well nows the holidays..didnt really plan..just see how it goes...haha only did watch movies...and thats what i am going to do untill the end of the holidays..haha well only went out once..and thats it...basically thats my holidays...well now is the time until spm ends that that will truly be the end of it..the end for school..and there's nothing more...to say the truth...i missed school..and i cant wait to go back to school...thinking back...well u've been schooling for almost 11 years? and all those friends that u've made and those fun and tradition that only can happen in that one particular school and only in that one particular group of friends...yeahh my childhood is pretty fun actually..until im exposed to realiti yeah...there was not as much fun as there was as i came up to secondary...lost touch with friends...taking up more responsibilities and stuff like that..haha well just thinking back..i think its school that made the guy that i am today..if it wasnt for school...i wont get to meet these great friends hahah..so i just cant imagine what it will be after spm and there wont be school until the day u die..i guess i try to do the things that i will remember in school..haha dont want to tell or plan..just see how it goes..

well its been so long since i've blogged..haha july 16...well..there was a lot of things to blog about...but its better to be kept..well to just know what it is and just sendiri bikin le..hahhaha haih..it has been a rocky year seriously...i've never been into such as big deep shit before...and i've never been into such a wonderfull day before..all i hope for is the better and i wish it come true in prayers..haha i guess i never want to stop writing...blogging is good haha talking about trials.well everyday sleeping at 2 or 3..trying to study as much as possible..doing exercises on past year papers..well to tell the truth..doing past year papers really do help in scoring in exam..no doubt..so im advising everybody to just do past year papers and understand by which chapters and just study based on the questions that u dont know...seriously this helps...and we should do this till the end of spm...yeahh...well i hope i will do well in my trials..

i've been struggling and just suffering for these few days..and i well its really complicated and just frustrating to not know how to solve the problems...in relationship and also in life...on the 11th..this will be the first time i've performed drums for a crowd...and i was eally glad that have this chance with a group of people to jam and play some really interesting songs..haha well i really want to thank you aunty keelay for the help...and also joel for his support..and many more...i think it really went well..just that i maybe playing too hard..well im sorry if its too loud..haha well thats just that for me that happened for this time..anyway..i cant wait for john legend's new album...i think it will rock the hell up hahha when i listen to it in youtube...it's the best..other than that..i want to buy the playstation move...haha i cant wait to buy the michael jackson game....and as well as some other games too...like racing cars and vanquish..hahah curently playing mafia and god of war...will finish these few games till the next game comes..hahah

there's nothing much actually...thats all ive gotta say..and ill write more in the next few blogs..hahah light up the darkness..and i hope there's somebody that can take their time to watch lord of the rings with me...all 3 films in one day...erm...i wish the problems will be solved and all of us can live a happy life=)

days..these are the days..

this month is my birthday month...and its now the middle of the month...birthday party had passed..birthday also had passed..the party was great..haha jia xin baked a cake..and it was nice..especially the chocolate top..erm there are 20 friends attended the party..it was crazy when everybody get drunk..haha world cup match with argentina against germany and germany won by 4 -0..haha played ps3...had a surprise before the party..everybody pumped balloons and just put it at the floor..haha well its was a night to remember...3/7/10..anyway...talking about my birthday date..well...school was fun..although i didnt get to aruba but still the class sang me a birthday song..haha and on that day paveena gave me a slice of cake during tuition..haha i got quite some presents especially the bluray lord of the rings..damn i seriously wanted it and they gave me that..haha well..these are the days..haha and yeahh my piano exam..it was a seriously total disaster..i thought i played it all wrong..when the results were out 2 days after that...im hoping for a pass..but i was granted with a strong credit with a 82.5 marks..haha the passing mark was 65 and distinction was 85..haha i was seriously happy..and now im going on for grade 6..hope i can do well in november..

well i started studying already...and im onto biology now...after biology..im going after the exercises on both science subjects and maths...will hope my plan will work..haha im so hoping that i can score for my trials and i could apply for my college in australia...well since im choosen for the ns..i have to rethink about this...but no i dont think i want to go..if i go i hae to waste a lot of my time and take the june intake which is very late...and if im choosen for the 3rd batch..then im totally sorry..i cant go..well..i was just talking with my dad...and im hoping that i could go to kl after spm and record some songs in my dad's friend studio..haha darl it will be great if u follow..haha well..after spm..i seriously got a lot of plans.and i wish to just get on with it now..but haih there's trials and spm..well im seriously worried whether i can do my best at it or u know score great at it...i dont want to screw any more things in my life..i've screwed up most of what's mine...and im not going to screw anything up again..tomorrow will be a new day for me..

talking about family?..dad..we always do forget of what happens when u get angry...but i still fear u....whenever ur angry..i just cant stand ur anger..but i know u have ur reasons too..family not much problems actually..its just that..maybe my relatives could show some support by just sms or facebook with a simple wish saying happy birthday?...he only cousin was 2? shermayne jie an maggie jie?..the rest? even wilson can forget my birthday?...this is just disappointing but im still close with u all...and i hope and i wish that i could spend more time in kl where and when we sed to have fun as relatives..i also wish to be every meeting u all have..but im living in ipoh and i have a life here...and its hard to go kl whenever i had the time because there's tuitions for me and of course a relationship so im sorry..maybe after spm?..i would totally love to stay in kl for a month or so?...if thats okay?

anyway im gonna think positive from now on..and tomorrow is a new day for me..im gonna change...and just learn what i learned in australia is manners...dicipline...and just courage..no cowardness..wont be shy...will be more caring and many many more..haih..trials are coming..lets hit the books till the very end of trials and lets be hardworking for once in our life and take responsiblity and just make everything work so that we could enjoy life in the future yeah? haha and yeahh i want to improve on my public speaking...like debating and stuff like that..so yeah..light up the darkness..

days..im just not god enough..

well in these 2 weeks...quite number of things happened that i wish to go back but what past is past and the future is still blur for me..haih..i lost in ISC for both snooker and badminton which is very saddening for me...and i lost in the school badminton championship too..i have lost so many things in my this 17 years of age...and none of it i ever won to be somebody..im just a nobody after all...now school reopened after 2 weeks of holiday...i've been getting shitty results and this is just bad..i think this will represent my results for trials and i think i need a change...haih i cant get myself to be like this for all my life...haih...

talkin back about me performing at jusco with tek yi in jusco...i think i made a lot of mistake..haih i sang and i played the guitar...i played with the wrong timing and i lost my lyrics when i sing...and i said some inappropriate things..haih..this is just some total disaster for a first timer like me..haih birthday party is coming..worrying about it...piano exam is in 2 weeks away...worrying about it..trials is in 53 days more...im seriously worrying about that...i hope eveything works out fine..

no man is a failure only if he puts in his soul to do those things that he love...
everything would start to fail if he doesnt have effort and commitment
there's no chance of success if we dont focus and control our life...
discipline is needed if we are ever to be succesfull..
no one wants to fail so dont judge people who won and be jealous over their win
every successfull man wont complain at anything

haih...im going down now and its time to get back up again..for those 53 days..i will work hard and get good results for trials..piano exams..i will spent at least 2 hours on the piano till exam...haih hope and prayed everything will work out fine for my life..there are just too many downs in my life avoiding me to be successful and i want to succeed in my life..at least for once in my these 17 years of my life..at least something to be proud about in the future...please god i prayed for this to make it happen...light up the darkness..