days..these are the days..

this month is my birthday month...and its now the middle of the month...birthday party had passed..birthday also had passed..the party was great..haha jia xin baked a cake..and it was nice..especially the chocolate top..erm there are 20 friends attended the party..it was crazy when everybody get drunk..haha world cup match with argentina against germany and germany won by 4 -0..haha played ps3...had a surprise before the party..everybody pumped balloons and just put it at the floor..haha well its was a night to remember...3/7/10..anyway...talking about my birthday date..well...school was fun..although i didnt get to aruba but still the class sang me a birthday song..haha and on that day paveena gave me a slice of cake during tuition..haha i got quite some presents especially the bluray lord of the rings..damn i seriously wanted it and they gave me that..haha well..these are the days..haha and yeahh my piano exam..it was a seriously total disaster..i thought i played it all wrong..when the results were out 2 days after that...im hoping for a pass..but i was granted with a strong credit with a 82.5 marks..haha the passing mark was 65 and distinction was 85..haha i was seriously happy..and now im going on for grade 6..hope i can do well in november..

well i started studying already...and im onto biology now...after biology..im going after the exercises on both science subjects and maths...will hope my plan will work..haha im so hoping that i can score for my trials and i could apply for my college in australia...well since im choosen for the ns..i have to rethink about this...but no i dont think i want to go..if i go i hae to waste a lot of my time and take the june intake which is very late...and if im choosen for the 3rd batch..then im totally sorry..i cant go..well..i was just talking with my dad...and im hoping that i could go to kl after spm and record some songs in my dad's friend studio..haha darl it will be great if u follow..haha well..after spm..i seriously got a lot of plans.and i wish to just get on with it now..but haih there's trials and spm..well im seriously worried whether i can do my best at it or u know score great at it...i dont want to screw any more things in my life..i've screwed up most of what's mine...and im not going to screw anything up again..tomorrow will be a new day for me..

talking about family?..dad..we always do forget of what happens when u get angry...but i still fear u....whenever ur angry..i just cant stand ur anger..but i know u have ur reasons too..family not much problems actually..its just that..maybe my relatives could show some support by just sms or facebook with a simple wish saying happy birthday?...he only cousin was 2? shermayne jie an maggie jie?..the rest? even wilson can forget my birthday?...this is just disappointing but im still close with u all...and i hope and i wish that i could spend more time in kl where and when we sed to have fun as relatives..i also wish to be every meeting u all have..but im living in ipoh and i have a life here...and its hard to go kl whenever i had the time because there's tuitions for me and of course a relationship so im sorry..maybe after spm?..i would totally love to stay in kl for a month or so?...if thats okay?

anyway im gonna think positive from now on..and tomorrow is a new day for me..im gonna change...and just learn what i learned in australia is manners...dicipline...and just courage..no cowardness..wont be shy...will be more caring and many many more..haih..trials are coming..lets hit the books till the very end of trials and lets be hardworking for once in our life and take responsiblity and just make everything work so that we could enjoy life in the future yeah? haha and yeahh i want to improve on my public speaking...like debating and stuff like that..so yeah..light up the darkness..

days..im just not god enough..

well in these 2 weeks...quite number of things happened that i wish to go back but what past is past and the future is still blur for me..haih..i lost in ISC for both snooker and badminton which is very saddening for me...and i lost in the school badminton championship too..i have lost so many things in my this 17 years of age...and none of it i ever won to be somebody..im just a nobody after all...now school reopened after 2 weeks of holiday...i've been getting shitty results and this is just bad..i think this will represent my results for trials and i think i need a change...haih i cant get myself to be like this for all my life...haih...

talkin back about me performing at jusco with tek yi in jusco...i think i made a lot of mistake..haih i sang and i played the guitar...i played with the wrong timing and i lost my lyrics when i sing...and i said some inappropriate things..haih..this is just some total disaster for a first timer like me..haih birthday party is coming..worrying about it...piano exam is in 2 weeks away...worrying about it..trials is in 53 days more...im seriously worrying about that...i hope eveything works out fine..

no man is a failure only if he puts in his soul to do those things that he love...
everything would start to fail if he doesnt have effort and commitment
there's no chance of success if we dont focus and control our life...
discipline is needed if we are ever to be succesfull..
no one wants to fail so dont judge people who won and be jealous over their win
every successfull man wont complain at anything

haih...im going down now and its time to get back up again..for those 53 days..i will work hard and get good results for trials..piano exams..i will spent at least 2 hours on the piano till exam...haih hope and prayed everything will work out fine for my life..there are just too many downs in my life avoiding me to be successful and i want to succeed in my life..at least for once in my these 17 years of my life..at least something to be proud about in the future...please god i prayed for this to make it happen...light up the darkness..

days...i need realisation...

haih...its been one hell of a week..i've been mistakes all along...and my previous blog is total shit ..people dont believe it..hahah erm well i just need to get back to myself and from now on i want to be brave to face my problems..i want everything now to go right...i want everybody to be happy...and i want every problems to solve right away...i want to be caring...i dont want a girl to cry for me because i disappointed or made her angry or sad...i want to be more sociable...i dont want to just not make friends and feel sad for myself...i dont want to be in a lonely world anymore...i think im punishing myself too much..i think im thinking and worrying too much...i need to stand tall now...i need to be positive everytime now..i dont want to be sad anymore i dont want to be depress anymore...i need myself to realise my mistakes and learn from it and never to do it again...

how am i suppose to keep both things normal at the same time?..which i think its hard for me..but i'll change...i wont do any mistakes and just u know think of what i should do and what i should say...does everyone has to be like this? be very very very very very carefull of each word and each action that he do..to avoid mistakes? or is it just me? is it maybe they are just sooo good at things that they dont have to be carefull and they wont make a single mistakes? i made those are just unbearable and just unbelievable for a guy like me...

i dont know...i just cant bear to see that everything is not working out all together and just cant bear to see anybody sad and all disappointed in me..i'll get so embarassed and just depressed...haih..i wonder how am i suppose to not make mistakes...is it so hard? i mean..every single tme is also my mistakes..and its really frustrating because how great it could be if i just dont make mistake...but at the end of the day a mistake will surely happen...haih...maybe i need to just understand the signals...and just really think it through of what im goin to do and what am i going to say..but sometimes this takes a lot of time because i think and think and i couldnt make out my mind..i dont know how does this works..i think i need some serious profesional counselling..hahahah..but not now..haih...trials and spm is right next to the corner..

i hope i can live like everyone and just be ordinary...i dont want to be the only exception and just punishing myself and not able to connect with society..haih...yeah i deactivated my facebook account...well its not because of society its about studying...i need to prove to those who dislike me..and i deleted my friendster..well no one is using right so yeah delete le..facebook is sometimes just so addicting..haha i'll blog..to express to just understand people more..and no its not for english improvement...seriously my previous is so immature and just so stupid..nvm..i'll make a change for u and for me..light up the darkness...

oh anyways tell me whose coming to my birthday party? i'll let everybody know in facebook..hahha u see the addiction in facebook?

days...its nice meeting u all.

well i think of what happened..i know i suck as a person a son a boyfriend a friend..i think its better for me to just keep away from everything..and just for as long as it takes to just keep quiet and just dont wanna care a single thing anymore..i think i'm better of alone..i dont want so many people to be so fucking disappointed in me..i think this is what best..since im ignorant or a bastard..well its just i dont know how to be a person ..and so since everybody is so hurt and so frustrated over me..i guess i shall just go away until the day where i will go to australia..well speaking of that..im very serious of going australia and just start my life from there..and i think i wont be coming back here anymore..if i do..i'd only see my family..since im such a worst friend u could all possibly have..i think i should cancel the birthday party and also farewell party too..to all the friends i had before...well thanks for everything...and yeahh...i think its better if im just alone...i dont want anymore of this...haih its just beat the crap out of me when someone just tell u how suck u really are..maybe i just suck..and im not a good person..i shall cancel all of my facebook friendster or msn...i no longer exist in the society today...for this blog..oh i will keep..it helps our english right? so yeah..goodbye for the moment i guess..

days...stomach failure..

since 3 weeks of exam is over..Mr.Mahandran is leaving...holidays just started or 2 weeks..haha and yeahh starwalk just ended yesterday...these are the things happening now...so yeah...i cant wait for my birthday party...anyway...talking about exams...hell its 3 weeks..and thank god it finishes..because arghh hard to cope with every subject..will have to focus on some..just some now...because now its just a very short of time so yeah..haih our class teacher is leaving..he had the transfer to another school...so yeah..the last day of exam..we did take a lot of photos..u can see them in facebook..haih who is gonna protect us in the school when he leaves? nvm its just a few mor months..we can escape the horror in school..haha and everything would just settle from there on..the only thing is our trial and spm results so yeah...holidays...what are my plans? well apart from staying at home? club everyday? sleep everyday?..yeahh pretty much none...going to watch movies from day to day if i had to..maybe will go out with friends..haha starwalk yesterday was epic...jia xin and i walked the whole 10 km..haha and after that met up with joel and chee ying..then e from stadium wak to de garden..it was seriously tiring for me...the day before i had tough badminton training..then suddenly walk so much..haha body ache all around now..hahhaa we ate at papa rich..then from papa rich we went to jusco for coffee..thats for the day..well yea thats all actually..

haih..its sad to know that rafa benitez left liverpool..well looking at the bright side he should...the club is in need of help seriously..now another manager..dont know who is it...somemore some of the big stars are going elsewhere...maybe these few years would be liverpools' worst..haih...hope they will bounce back to claim the premiership title..anyway...thats one thing..the other i've been sick since last month..i cant sing...i cant eat the food that i like..well i had a flu then it became serious...i got cough core throat and ulcer everywhere...then it takes 1 week to recover...and that period was going to have exams...then during the 2nd week..i started to get gastrics...then it became serious..and i got heartburn where ur stomach got a lot of acids..thn it rushes to ur oesophagus...yeahh and it just burns it..i was seriously suffering for the first 2 days...then after consulting the doctor...now im much better...but most f the times i'll be hungry and just very irregular...sometimes suddenly i will get hungry or sometims all of the sudden i'll get full and not to eat food...haha yeahh..

well the next thing now im all planning about is my birthday party and i cant wait..haha its been so fast 1 year already...and i still very much remember last year...hahah hope this year would be great...

days..the thing about love..

Love

Love will come find you
Just to remind you
Of who you are
Hold on
It will forsake you
Threaten to break you
Take what you got
Everybody laughs
Everybody cries
Sure it could hurt you baby
But give it a lil try
See that's the thing about love
Friends
Sometimes will blind you
Sneak up behind you
You cant give enough
Then life
It will embrace you
Totally amaze you
So you don't give up
Everybody laughs
Everybody cries
Sure it could hurt you baby
But give it a lil try
See that's the thing about love
Don't tell me that i'm not the only that's going thru it all
Ohhh sometimes I feel like i'm the only that's going thru it all
But its time
Oh its time
For me to shine
Hey
Its my time
Oh its time
For me to shine
Its my time
Said its my time
For me to shine
Its my time
Its bout time
For me to shine
Everybody laughs
Everybody cries
Sure it could hurt u baby
But give it a lil try
That's the thing about love
That's the thing about love
That's the thing about
That's the thing about love

days...im just a 0.1 percent..

i'm changing my mind again...and i'm admitting that i'm lost..like totally lost..from small till to this day..im those kind of person who doesnt know how to decide and make decisions...and i suck at it...seriously..from what i know..decision making for me is really hard for me...for a moment i choose this and the next im not..i'm so lazy to blog as im typing this...its all in my mind..and i got a lot to say...seriously..haih and i dont know where to start..sorry guys...please take ur time and just read okay? dont care how long it is...is just me trying to let everything out and just understanding me..haha and i need help? yeah...okayy

as i said decision making..how do u make decisions? how do u choose? how do u decide? well this is really a big question and u need professionals to tell u this..okayy..well u decide based on right and wrong...and u decide based on advantages and disadvantages so far so right..okayy...and u do not make decisions based on emotions or decide based on other people or decide just because ur short of time..and u have to think about every decisions that u made...right? well thats what i suck at..big time..why i suck?

reasons...decisons for me to make..i need like seriously a long time to make...and like say those big big ones that includes ur future yahh..it takes months for meto just make a single decision on what i want to study...okay..first i said to myself i want to study medicine and just be a doctor and help out the poor and help to cure diseases and just make the world a better place...but no..i dont want it anymore why? percentage for to be a doctor is very less for a person like me...and it takes time if u want to be a doctor..and and it suffers to become a doctor and speaking of suffering...i dont know how to deal with it...i dont like to suffer eventhough i had to to do something that i love...i dont even want to try to suffer for the better...thats me..not taking risks..haih..thats why i dont have the capability to become a doctor and now i want to choose engineer...for a moment i choose as a musician...for another moment hotel management and become a chef....so there's so many decision how do u make from it...and how to deal with it..

well everybody has to make decisions in their life no matter big or small...they have to be made...and making that decision..u have to be based on whats right for u and is it wrong to choose that..u have to based on consequences...like sometimes i get like..when i have to choose one from both that i love...i wish i have both but i cant...i have to choose one...thats when the problem starts..i want to do this and i want to do that...and i want to be great at everything...but how am i suppose to choose from what i want? does this happen to every one? or is it just me? im just a very very very small decimal places from the world ad i'm about to make the universe's toughest decision for myself...get that? hahaha anyway..i just think that i'm good at everything...is just i dont know which good stuff which i can choose from and be great at it...haha from what i am now...i'm still clueless of everything..i'm still under the illusions of what i'm going to be in the future...and making decisions right now...well this makes me afraid of not having a great future in the future..because i want to have the best future for myself..everyone does...right?

haih...im just worrying about everything...about what im suppose to choose and about what to study in the future...about every single little thing...im just worried...haih...what is wrong with me?...decision making is just so hard...dont everybody think so about it? like i mean it cant be that hard...u know some decision it just take 5 seconds and its the best decision among the others..how great it is when u make decision under that time...and its great because thats truely is the one decision that is good...haih..im just tired of all this decisions...its too much pressure and too much stress for this..and u know what if i cant handle stress i dont think i can be a chef..because if ur in hotel management...u will be dog barked..so yeah i dont like that...what field u stdy that u somehow u dont suffer and u just have a very easy and sometimes just a little bit more of work to do but still a nice future where u get a satisfying pay and just a wonderfull life...how to achieve that by making decisions about the future? how does my parents and brothers do that? how they overcome it...i want to know..im so very curious about almost everything..and i want to learn...but and then i learn..its all half bottle filled...

i want to live a life like in the past...i want to be like them...full of general knowledge...full of courage and just will of everything...i want to be like them..i want to be like brothers...thats the least i think that i can do...my parents..how to they get until this stage..how do they past their teenage life? haih..i just want to be like those people 10 20 years ago..i seriously idolise them..because of the man they are...its just so cool...and i want to be different..i just want in the future to be proud of what i decide today...i dont want to regret..thats why decision making for me is so god damn hard...how? how to deal with this..haih..this is a long blog and i wish to tell everything here..but its just too much in my mind..if anybody who is like seriously close to me and just the best friend that i needed to be here..i would seriously just tell every single thing right now..because i'm seriously in need of help to overcome problems like this...and its just frustrating..because u cant do it right...haha i'm a kind of guy who wants everything to be done efficiently and nicely...but for myself i dont do things the way i wanted for myself...thats why..haih..i even want for example...now in the town that im living has many cases of robbery and thief stuff like that particularly this year...and i'm like telling of actions to be done here so that it can be safer place by just building a security house at the front of the street and hiring police to patrol the whole place each day and the government pay them...and all this to be done by writting letter to the person in charge or to write in newspaper...hahah i'll get this kind of idea to just make things right here...haih..

based on that..i can see myself as a person who wants to make things that surrounds me to be at best and accordingly..but hell..still decision making is just hard u know...theres a lot i want to talk about..rational..movies...acceptance..forgiveness..most of it all is just life...hahah speaking of life...its very complicating..it just one of those things that man need to overcome in this matter of time...haha just problems that we everyday facing...how are we to overcome such problems..and im now experiencing life and trying to understand every problems from now...i'm gonna do something about this..im gonna list it out and write it on a book..and i think i can just based on the list..i will make life easier..i think like this its good...haha its like a diary actually...well see what happens yeah?

anyway...im still in a dilemma...haha i wish to let it all out but i just cannot put it in words...wel understand me..im just living the life with problems...and i hope god help me in this..hahha well...if ever things were easy...im sure life will be easy too..i hope it stays easy for the years to come..thinking of it...those people who commit suicide because of the problems that day face and they cant cope with it..i think they are just cowards and they dont want to face them..thats the problem...well im not like them...i want to face those problems..and i want to be tough and determine and just experience life till the day i die...light up the darkness for the road to be taken for our lifes yeah?..